I Am So Busy I Can’t Make My Weekly Visit

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Elderly Are Often a Second Choice

Elderly Are Often a Second Choice

My brother “D” has always been good about taking my live-in mother out for a couple of hours at least once a week. But there is no real consistency. I can’t depend on him taking her to the grocery store at the same time each week or even showing up once a week. He just thinks that I can fill in for him at a moments notice. He doesn’t realize that I am already taking off work for her doctor’s appointments and rushing home to help fix her computer or some other ’emergency’.

The elderly look forward to outside stimulus and visits from family and friends are that stimulus. It is important for them to feel a part of the community and to keep on going. I sometimes find my mother making doctor’s appointments that are unnecessary just to connect to the world. The visits from my brother and his family are much more than grocery shopping but rather they are a symbol of being a part of the world and still very much engaged with life.

Sometimes I feel alone with my mother’s needs when a family member regards their commitment as a flexible commitment. It is upsetting to my mother when she has expected a visit only to get a call that they cannot make it because of another event. She acts gracious and forgiving but that is more because she does not want to upset them into never ever showing up. She knows how helpless she is and how dependent she is on caretakers.

When she gets the cancellation I often alter my schedule to take her wherever she was to go.  It is never convenient for me but it does make me feel really good about myself. I also feel really frustrated with other’s lack of responsibility. I often think of Karma and what will happen to them when it is their time to depend on others. And I pray that Karma will not exercise itself in a lack of care when father time places them in need of caretakers.

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1 comment to I Am So Busy I Can’t Make My Weekly Visit

  • Susan Rochwerger

    It is so true what you say about the elderly needing to feel connected to the outside world. My 83 year old mother still drives so she is able to get to church and meet up with friends during the week. These “excursions” are very important in her life, they are her life as all of her sisters have passed and my brother and sister live to far away to visit. I’m a flight attendant and worry what will happen when she no longer has the luxury of independence that being able to drive allows one. Will she have to sit around and wait for me to return from a flight or for a friend to come to visit or pick her up so that she can get out?